coming here

flying over, all I could think about is you.
how I mistreated you
how you are going through one of the most difficult times of your life and the trust between us is shattered.

Regardless of what you think you heard, I didn’t wish you cancer.
I know you don’t believe me. and you don’t trust me.
I wish it was different now.

I’m scared for what your going through, and what your facing now.
I’m sad that I can’t share it with you.

I came here not expecting to see you again, I didn’t expect you to be at work this week. I don’t know how it will be, but at least I will get to see you again before your surgery, and hopefully I’ll get a chance to tell you in person how sorry I am.

but I need you tell me it’s ok to come back after your surgery.
that you want me here. That I can visit you if you are still in hospital.
Let me return into town after Europe at a minimum, or ask me to be here while you undergo the procedure. I will do what you ask. including not visiting you if that is your wish.

I know I have hurt you, and I really don’t want to continue hurting you.
You are not my punching bag, and I don’t know why it has become like this.