with and without you

there are 2 parts to me.
the first wants you to forgive me,
to be where we were,
to be able to talk to you again
that is the selfish me.
I want you to be there, so I can talk to you, and bask in your light

the other part is scared of that
due to me hurting you again
I don’t want to do that
that is why I push you away
and tell you to trust your heart
as I’m scared
what I will do

living without you in my life is horrible
it is depressing and it hurts
but it is what I must do.
because I don’t want to hurt you again
EVER